Dear Summer...

i've moved!



http://retrospeaks.livejournal.com/

My name is RETRO...

and i'm an alcoholic.

so, new years eve rolls around right. im posed to get my woman, then head off to get her close friend denise since her car got pwnt. im hoping nisey's a drinker, cuz everyone at nye can pack the liquor in and it'd suck for her to be the odd man out so to speak. so we pick her up at her hotel, p doesn't introduce us (=| btw), and we head to dave's crib.

now she mentions something about getting her drink on, so in my head i'm like "cool, now we dont have to worry about any awkward moments or any sort of lecturing from a non drinking bible thumper." she was like "yeah i got my shit with me so im good." i was figuring she brought mixer or something right?


[charlie murphy]WRONG![/charlie murphy]

we step into dave's crib. sit down. and she pulls out minute maid cranberry juice. with like 5 fucking mini bottles of sky vodka. and when i mean mini, i mean MINI. like, these shits wouldnt get a fucking ant buzzed.

i look at her incredulously and ask her what the deal was. she explained that she knew we were drinkers but didnt know if all we drank was beer or the like. i tried so motherfucking hard not to stoneface her. US??? the kings of ucsb drinkathons? the functioning drunks? pfffffffffftttttt.

so we had to show her the real and bring out the big guns. hence, the pic below:





yeah that's cute nisey. real cute.

You know how I know you're gay?

Say no more.

2 more days...

till freedom. more time to see my baby, call of duty, getting liquored up, working on pokerbling, the grey republic, and being a normal human being again. i can see the light.





i miss these days.














BYAAH!

ain't no such thing as halfway crooks...

saw this at a sushi spot i went to recently.



rock you in the face, stab ya brain with ya nose bone!

Suffocate...

so, while e-cupcaking, i was reminded why i was in a relationship to begin with.










that's why. j holiday put it pretty well. [cam'ron]sucker for love, mm mmmm, sucker for love[/cam'ron]


and damn proud of it. thanks for loving me baby. and thanks for letting me love you in a way that you've deserved your whole life.

Pretty Young Thing...

so...

i was bored as fuck at work right? like super bored. so bored i passed the fuck out at my desk for like 20 minutes. that's when it hit me. i had to be unbored quick, or else i'd fall asleep again and risk the chance of my boss walking in on me snoring my ass off.

there was only one thing to do.

walk down the hall snappin my fingers and struttin/foot shufflin like michael jackson whilst singing PYT super loud (where did you come from laaady, and ooh won't you take me there, right away won't you baby...).

problem solved.

but.


one small problem.

MY FUCKING COWORKER SAW THE WHOLE THING.

talk about awkward.




HEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Fam man, you terry cloth...

That means you very soft, gravy mercedes, add the cranberry sauce aaaoooowwwwww


I am NOT full of myself. I'm just feelin myself. There's a big difference.



excuse the old phone. it's a dated picture. retro photo safari coming soon.

Copycats...

dudes wanna be me so hard, they got no identity left, so they run around actin like me committin identity theft.

don't front son, i know what you tryna do and who you are, i'll end it before it goes too far.

watch yourself.

That so few now dare to be eccentric marks the chief danger of the time...

albert einstein was eccentric. teh Retro's music tastes are eccentric. coincidence? i think not.